Being a woman in business, a solo professional or a female entrepreneur understand that you are also a human being. And as a human being, are you aware that you talk to yourself all day long? No, not just the mental chatter about activities and tasks that you need to remember throughout the day as you take care of the multitude of personal and professional issues. That’s also a form of self-talk, but I’m referring more to the things you say to yourself on a regular basis; and more importantly, the tone and context in which you say them.
Do you berate yourself angrily when you make a mistake? Do you put yourself down or call yourself derogatory names when things go wrong? When you have a hard time making positive changes in your life, do you bemoan what a “worthless” person you are and conclude that you’ll never do anything right? we all do it to a certain degree, but the question is, how much and how often. Have you checked your negative self-talk lately?
Negative self-talk can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem, as well as your productivity, especially if it’s a big part of your daily life. The problem is that when you keep saying these ill-serving things to yourself, eventually you begin to believe them!
Studies have proved that most times these messages originate as statements uttered by the adults in your life when you were just a child. It may have been that they said something negative about you when your actions displeased them, or perhaps they had a habit of saying unkind things even when you didn’t deserve it. As painful as these experiences can be, even worse is when you pick up where they left off and keep repeating the same negative messages to yourself over and over.
The good news is that it’s up to you; you can change your self-talk any time you want. You just have to know how to become aware when that little voice inside your head rears it’s ugly head and realise the tone of these messages. Decide to consciously replace these negative chatters with more encouraging ones.
Follow these three simple steps to begin chasing them away:
1. Develop awareness of your negative self-talk. It may take practice, but if you keep ‘listening’ in to your inner voice, you’ll begin to notice when you talk less than positively to yourself.
2. Challenge the negative messages. When you notice yourself saying something negative such as, “You’re so stupid, you can’t do anything right”, stop yourself and say “cancel delete” and challenge that belief. Is that really true? Maybe you mess up sometimes, but do you ALWAYS mess up? Probably not.
3. Replace any negative messages with positive messages. When you realise you’re saying unkind and untrue things to yourself, simply turn it around in your mind. Using the above example, you might say, “Wow, that’s not true at all! I do lots of things right. Yes, it’s true I make mistakes, but then again, so does everyone. I’m a good person and I try my best. That’s good enough for me.”
Over time as you become more aware of and challenge these negative messages, your efforts will pay off in the form of increased self-esteem and respect for yourself and your capabilities. It probably won’t happen overnight, but the more you work at turning your self-talk in a more positive direction, the better you’ll feel about yourself.
You’ll be amazed at how much more you will accomplish both at work and at home, and how much more you challenge yourself when you accept exactly who you are, and the wonderful person that you really are once you eradicate negative self-talk.
Should you experience constant negative self talk and feel your self confidence is affected, seek the assistance of a counselor or practitioner who specialises in the releasing of limiting beliefs, such as an Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner. You’ll be glad to be free of negative self talk.
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